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When my heart unravels ..


Today, it is officially one month since I've heard from my ex, Jeremy. I am still at a complete loss. The last conversation we had - by text, of course - was regarding plans for that night to meet up at his place.

And I haven't heard from him since.

We'd had no arguments, and the last time we hung out, he was telling me that we needed to go haunted housing, hayrides .. all the festive Halloween stuff you could imagine. Of course I want to move on from him. What girl wants someone in her life who doesn't treat his girlfriend like she is a priority - or rather, like she exists at ALL?! I don't. But, I really, more than anything, just want an explanation. And an apology. I don't think that's so much to ask. I was nothing but sweet to him. I never gave him a hard time about the lack of alone time we had together or that we saw each other so sporadically. If anything, I should be given a medal for how patient and understanding I was.

I can't make sense of any of this. Neither can our friends. And that's a big problem too: we're in the same circle of friends. Not only is avoiding him like the plague going to be near-impossible, but it'll only be a matter of time before I'm witness to a new relationship that he'll eventually begin. What a shitty feeling. Does he have any idea how this has made me feel? Probably not - and I can't imagine he would care either. I've been wrong about him from the very beginning. At this point, nothing would shock me. Oooh .. I take that back. If he contacted me, THEN, I'd be shocked.

Teresa and I headed to the Beer Sellar last night to have a late-night vent session over a beer (her poison of choice) and a white russian (mine - deeelightful). It was 2 full hours of man-hatin' and I have to say - it felt SO good. I feel like Teresa and I are very similar - and we're kind of going through a similar situation (although, her guy definitely hasn't fallen off of the planet). It's refreshing to be able to swap stories and, instead of getting the 'I-told-you-so' or 'You're-too-good-for-him' speech, feel vindicated: I'm not crazy. And I should be more pissed off than I currently am. I look forward to these chats at least once a week! Wait til I give her the low-down on Adam. Can I finally get a guy who isn't batshit crazy with the games?! I didn't sign up for that!



I'll leave you with this video. Meiko seriously takes all of my thoughts and forms them into her songs. I have definitely been rocking out to her CD the past month.

xx Brit


The Beginning.


24.

24 and what do I have to show for it? Not a whole lot - and perhaps that's a good thing. Obviously, it would be in my better interests to shell out what little money I have and get a college degree. But, at least I'm not saddled with big time responsibilities - like a mortgage .. or, ya know, a husband. Or kid for that matter. Of course, I believe the latter will come in time, and that's certainly fine and encouraged, but honestly I am so glad that I have only myself to look after. I have a hard enough time keeping my own head above water dealing with bills, negligent boyfriends, and what little bit of OCD I have acknowledged.

.. my OCD brings all the boys to the yard and I'm like 'gtfo, you're not in even numbers' ..

Speaking of negligent boyfriends .. what is it with my luck?! At what point is enough enough? I'm sick of being toyed with over and over again. Of course, it's my fault for letting it happen, however, how do you even begin to discern when someone is being honest - especially when you've been friends with that person for years? Ugh. /end rant.

On a positive note, my job couldn't be going any better. For the first time in, oh, EVER, I love what I do. I have my foot in the door - the RIGHT door - as opposed to the doors that would only lead to a brick wall. Thank goodness.

I was going to end the night with a solid workout routine, but one of my friends is going to meet up with me for drinks! Good thinking! I could use a cosmo .. or 5. I love ending the night with girl talk and gossip. Just delightful.

Also, I've discovered that Jim Halpert is my ideal guy .. OK, Universe?! Also, if this isn't possible, MRI guy will do just fine! :)

Back to work I go .. . ..




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